It's complicated, so complicated
by BecauseYourMine
Summary: "She leaves because she thinks it's her only option. She's in love with her best friend's boyfriend. Again. He wishes he could hate her for that; but he's too in love with her to hate her. No matter how hard he tries." Oneshot. AU LP after 3x19


A/N: Summer has just started and I already needed a distraction from life. This became my weekend distraction. Anyways..All you need to know is that everything up until 3x19 happens the same, the only big difference is that Peyton knew she had feelings for Lucas before she went to go see Jake. Everything else will be explained.

Some (a lot) of the dialogue is taken directly from the show. So keep in mind that I don't own One Tree Hill. Also, sorry for the length and for any errors as those are mine.

*Reviews/criticisms are Always appreciated.

-.-.-.-

_ll I was only looking for a shortcut home... ll_

She goes to Savannah because Haley has Nathan and Brooke has Lucas, and she has…

She has, _had_ Jake.

When her Dad told her she should follow her heart she knew that the only one who would be willing to give their heart back to her would be Jake. As crazy and exhilarating as dating (can you call a couple of make-out sessions dating?) a rock star was, Peyton knew that whatever fun she might have with Pete would only be temporary. It couldn't be more then just fun, because when it came down to it, he was a freaking rock star! And as much as she liked him, she was never much of the groupie type, so that left her heart only one (viable) option.

Jake.

They haven't spoken since the night he left, and they've only emailed each other a handful of times. Just writing about trivial things like the crazy fight that happened at this year's midnight madness or the rude customer that sips his coffee weird at the café Jake works at. They don't talk about the way they were before he left, about their promises of things working out someday and their declarations of love. They talk about all the words Jenny is learning and the chances of the Ravens making it all the way this season.

Then the emails just stopped. And yes at first that had been really hard for Peyton, she's always known (if she'd listen to her brain instead of her heart) that just like Haley has Nathan and Brooke has Lucas, Jake has Jenny. Because really when it comes down to it that man is such a loving and caring father he would and has always chosen his daughter before anyone else. And honestly Peyton could never be angry at that or even hurt about that fact. That was why Jake was in Savannah and not in Tree Hill. Because he had Jenny, and he had to make sure it stayed that way.

And then things changed.

That past few months had been so damn hard. And confusing. And just really fucking tragic.

She found out she was adopted over the summer. Which in of itself is a really hard thing to deal with. (She did have Lucas with her all summer though. Helping her and just being there when no one else was). She had to figure out what it meant to be adopted (apparently another person had left her without her even knowing it) and how the people she had trusted the most could so easily lie to her.

Then the school year started and while most Seniors were more concerned about what they were gonna be doing after high school, Peyton was trying to be a good friend to Nathan as he struggled with Haley's return to Tree Hill. She had to be Brooke's voice of reason as Brooke tried to make Lucas work for a relationship everyone including Brooke knew she wanted. She was Lucas's confident when it came to the secret he had been keeping since the beginning of the summer. And while all of that was going on she had to deal with the fact that the birth mother she had only discovered existed and she had just started to get to know was dying from cancer.

And when Ellie did die, seemingly just before Peyton could show her the benefit C.D. they had spent so much time working on, Peyton had to come to the realization that she might be one of the only girl's ever to lose two mother's before graduating high school.

And believe it or not, all that didn't even compare to what happened just a few weeks ago.

It seems nothing compares to getting shot by a boy you used to have homeroom with and then nearly dying in the library from the bleeding. Nothing compares to sitting in a library with one of the most important people in your life and thinking that you time is running out. That your life is coming to end and there is so much she still want to say. There is still so much you still want to admit but that's there no time left for any of it. For Someday to happen.

Nothing compares to kissing your best friend's boyfriend and not once feeling sorry about that fact.

And really that's why she goes to Savannah.

Because Nathan has Haley and Brooke has Lucas, and…she wants Lucas. (She didn't need to almost die to know that as fact, just to remind her what had always been true.)

Because when her Dad told her to follow her heart, she didn't even have to think who had always had her heart, who had stormed into her life long before a rock star or a sweet boy who she would love, but could never be in love with…

But Lucas is not hers to have and so she's on her way to Savannah instead.

_ll But it's complicate, __So complicated.. ll_

She gets to Savannah and Jenny walks over to her at the airport and Jake stands there smiling at her, and for a split second she can imagine this as her life. This boy who loves her and this little girl in her arms who's just so perfect. She can imagine this life as a family and it's perfect.

(Almost, but not quite.)

Peyton spends a weekend with them, neither her or Jake bringing up the past-both for different reasons-and yet they still enjoy their time. It's not complicated like in Tree Hill, it's exactly what she needs. Like she could stay here and escape and have a new start.

She went to the park with Jake and Jenny and watching the two interact had her heart melting. She went out to dinner with Jake and listened as he surprised her with a song. (A song that she knew was written for her). She tried to pretend that this life could be enough, that it was what she wanted, and for a while she was even fooling herself.

But then the Sunday morning before she has to fly back home, she keeps thinking about what Brooke told her a few weeks back, right after the school shooting.

_The boy I love rescued the girl I love…And it's the girl he loves too._

At the time she did everything she could to reassure Brooke that there was nothing to worry about. But after spending her weekend here, with Jake and Jenny and still not feeling like it should, like she was complete and content she thinks maybe Brooke was right. Sort of. She doesn't know how Lucas feels, but she now knows how she feels and she can't change that fact. She knows it's not fair to be selfish and to admit that, but it's true. And isn't it just as bad to go on pretending?

She's not quite sure what she's gonna do, but she does know it's not right to stay anymore. It's not fair to Jake and Jenny and it's not fair to her too. So she pack up her bag, and she kisses Jenny's cheek and tells her to be good for her Daddy. She promises Jake she'll keep in touch more, and that she's glad she came to see him. Then she's on her way back to Tree Hill.

She gets back in time to make it to Nathan and Haley's rehearsal dinner/reenactment play that Brooke has setup at Tric and it's just her luck that everyone winds up sick and now she has to be an active participate in this bizarre love story reenactment. But she can do this, she can pretend and do as she's told by Brooke. She's done this before. Acting like she's not in love with her best friend's boyfriend.

But then Lucas and Her get put on stage together. In bed. And they have to profess their love for each other to each other.

And suddenly everything changes.

She realizes she can't hide from this this time. She can't pretend it away and not just tell the truth.

She's in love with Lucas Scott. Again.

Her best friend's boyfriend.

This time she has to tell Brooke. And yeah Lucas too.

_ll Somewhere in this city is a road I know ll_

The play ends and everyone is just about done cleaning up when Peyton notices that Lucas has left, she thinks it would be best if she talked to Brooke first. She thinks she owes it to her best friend to be honest and straight forward. Whatever fallout that's gonna happen because of the truth is just something she hasn't really thought about, but she's learned her lesson. And lying will only make things worse so…

"Way to go with the tears P. Sawyer you brought down the house tonight!" Brooke says as she bounces over to her blonde best friend who seems lost in thought. The night had been a big success, but all night Peyton has seen a little off.

"Brooke…" She stops herself for just a second, scared out of her mind. But this is Brooke. She's her best friend. Sisters even, they can get pass this right?

"I think I still have feelings for Lucas." She whispers out, tears already forming as she looks over to her friend.

"You mean you care for him as a friend?" Brooke looks at her totally in shock, like there is no way she saw this coming. (But deep inside she kind of always knew).

"No, I mean more then that." Peyton looks at Brooke and all that strength she had to tell her friend the truth is gone as she looks at her now, totally devastated.

And Brooke has no idea what to say to that. Her best friend and her boyfriend. Again. She can't believe this is happening again. That she could have been so blind and not realize it (sooner).

"Brooke.." Peyton tries to reach out to her, but it's too late, Brooke's already pulling away and went from hurt to totally pissed in less then 30 seconds.

"Why now Peyton? Why would you tell me that you have feelings for Lucas now, when I have so much stuff going on right now! Stuff that you don't even know about!" She screams, only slightly relieved that everyone has already went home for the night. Everyone-including Lucas.

Peyton expected the scream, but she's not entirely prepared for the accusations she's not really sure Brooke is completely entitled to make. Who is she kidding, everything Brooke is saying is everything everyone else will be saying too. She's a total Bitch. She's in love with her best friend's boyfriend and she just admit to it. Yeah she's going to hell for this.

"So do I, trust me. But I didn't wish for this. I wished for Jake." She tries to explain, but the anger and complete resentment that she see's in her eyes is telling Peyton, that no matter what she says, this isn't going to end well.

"Oh right, you wished for Jake. After you wished for Pete and then Lucas. I can not believe this is happening again…" Brooke says as she tries to figure what to do next. Deep down she knows that this isn't Peyton's fault. You can't help who you love, right? But at the same time, all she can think is that her supposed best friend just told her she loves her boyfriend-again. How the hell is she supposed to be gracious and understanding when her best friend just spoke her biggest fear out loud?

"It's not Okay. It's not. The last time…"

"The last time? Do you hear yourself right now!" Brooke tried to be understanding. The last time. She forgave them. She let Peyton be her best friend again. And she gave Lucas another chance. But she can't do this again. She won't.

"Brooke, I'm not gonna do anything about it! I'll just bury it!" Peyton knows that as much as it would suck, she would do anything to keep Brooke and Lucas in her life, even if that meant letting him go.

"You cant! It's like the time capsule. And you could of buried it and not have said anything and what is that about? " She shouts back wishing she could go back to earlier in the day. When everything was back to normal and she had a best friend and a boyfriend she could trust. But who is she kidding, she knew that this would happen eventually. That she could never fully trust either of them again.

"I wanted to be honest with you! I thought I owed you that. You're my best friend Brooke. I just thought-"

"No, no! You are not my best friend anymore! Don't you get it, I gave you another shot. And you blew it!"

Brooke can't scream anymore. And she can't cry anymore. This is it. She just lost her best friend. Over a boy, she's not quite sure is worth it anymore. She hasn't mentioned to anyone, the fact that since Lucas has been away with his mother, that she didn't once miss him. Miss him like she used to when they would be away from each other for just a few hours. Missed him like she couldn't live without him. But that doesn't make up for this. It doesn't make any of this okay.

"Brooke.." Is all Peyton can get out.

"No Peyton, theres no coming back from this. As far as I'm concern we're not friends anymore, and if we never speak again I will be perfectly ok with that." She says storming off.

Brooke doesn't have a best friend anymore. (As she walks off, she realizes she doesn't have a place to stay either now).

And after tonight she's not sure she should have a boyfriend-Lucas as a boyfriend-either.

_ll Where we could make it,_  
_But maybe there's no making it now... ll_

Peyton has no idea what she just did. She let her conscious speak for her, which normally isn't a bad thing, but considering she just lost her best friend, she's not so sure it even matters.

She gets home and finds her room completely devoid of any of Brooke's stuff-how she got there before Peyton she doesn't even know. Then she sees the note her Dad left on her computer screen letting her know that he got a call for a job and he should be back in a month. A month. And that's pretty much when it all goes down hill. What the hell is she supposed to do? Who does she have now?

Haley has Nathan. And Brooke has Lucas.

But who does Peyton have?

She looks around the room and her eyes falls on one of her drawings. A drawing of a boy and his sweet baby girl.

And that's when she decides the she only has Jake now. Even if he's in Savannah. Even if she isn't in love with him. They could be happy. They were happy this past weekend. She could have that life. It was the only one she had left.

She grabs her bag-still packed from her trip-and adds more to it. She knows that once her Dad gets back, she can call him and ask him to send more things. He just told her to follow her heart, he can't-shouldn't be mad about this. She grabs a few albums and some art supplies and then anything else she thinks she might need.

She's in her closet and drops the bridesmaid dress she's supposed to wear the next day. The dress Brooke made for her. The one she was supposed to wear at Nathan and Haley's wedding. And what the hell is she doing? Is she really gonna just leave and not look back? Leave her friends and Dad and home all because of this?

And then she looks at one of the other drawings that's hanging in her room. The one of two girls and a boy all shooting at a flaming heart.

Yeah she's gotta go.

She sure her Dad will understand-and its not like he's even there to argue with her about it. She'll just call him when she gets there, letting him know where she's at. And Nathan and Haley won't judge her. The less drama the better for them. Brooke isn't her friend anymore so she will probably be relived. And Lucas..

Lucas…

Out of everyone, Lucas is the one person she wants to say goodbye too. But she knows if she sees him, if she tells him bye, she won't be able to go without telling him why she was going. And considering how things went when she told Brooke, she really doesn't want to tell Lucas too.

But she owes him a goodbye.

She's never been one to write a letter, hell he might just burn it like she burned his last year. But she doesn't have the time to mix him a C.D. to explain things.(She's always used music to explain herself).

So a letter is gonna have to do.

She hastily scribbles down everything she can't tell him in that moment. That she loves him, always has. But he's not hers to love and she doesn't want to ruin his life over it. So she's leaving and letting him go. Because she wants him to be happy. She tells him that she hopes someday things will be different, but right now this seems like the only option. She tells him that if he hates her because of this, she'd understand. And that's why she's going because she can't but think what if?

She signs it with just her initials and a quick drawing of that flaming heart she drew last year at the river court after his accident. She drives to his house as she driving through town and is relieved to see all the lights off in his home. She goes up his back steps to the door that leads to his bedroom and leaves the letter for him.

And then she's gone.

_ll Too long we've been denying,_  
_Now we're both tired of trying. ll_

Lucas Scott wakes up the morning of his brother and best friend's wedding and he feels like something is off. He can't explain it really. Its been a good couple of days. He got away from Tree Hill and healed from the past. He talked things through his mother-really talked-and for once in what felt like so long he finally thought things were gonna be Okay.

But this morning-this morning feels wrong. Like something is missing or something. He can't really explain it. So instead of try to figure it out, he pushes it aside and starts getting ready instead.

He leaves that morning headed to the church and when he walks out he finds a letter wedged between his back door.

A letter with his name scribbled in a very distinct way. Written like only one girl has every written his name. But as curious as he might be, he doesn't open it though, he doesn't have time. Absently he slips it in his jacket pocket and rushes to get there before Nathan starts calling him complaining that his best man is no where to be found. He's in such a rush, by the time he gets there, he's completely forgotten he even has it.

Because once he gets there, everything is in full swing-people running around trying to finish all the preparations. Flower arrangements and Dinnerware and everything else that goes along with weddings. He talks to Nathan, trying to convince him that nothing bad will happen today. (Even though he feels it too, that something's not right). And then he goes and see Haley-dressed just like he described to her, like a real princess. He can't help but feel happy for the couple. At first he had taken issue with them getting together, but now it's obvious just had prefect they are for one another. So how can he not be happy. You can't help who you love right?

He's in the garden talking to Nathan's Uncle Cooper when Brooke pulls him aside.

"Hey I need you to do something for me today." She says sternly.

"Hi to you too cheery.." He says with a smirk. He knows Brooke takes weddings seriously, but still he doesn't think the attitude is necessary.

"I'm serious Lucas. You have to stay away from Peyton today. We're fighting and…You need to stay away." She says leaving no room for argument.

"Ok Brooke first off, I haven't even seen Peyton today. And secondly, this is Nathan and Haley's wedding, so please whatever you two are fighting about, just get over it ok?" He says.

He loves his girlfriend, he does. But sometimes he knows that she's a lot to handle and whatever happened between the two best friends is probably something so small and unimportant its not worth ruining Nathan and Haley's day over.

Brooke doesn't even answer him, just glares and walks away. And Lucas doesn't really appreciate that either. But theres no time to argue with Brooke or try to figure out why he can't see Peyton. Yes technically Brooke is his girlfriend and he should be more considerate about her feelings, but Peyton is _Peyton. _

Doesn't she get that?

_ll We hit a wall and we can't get over it, _  
_Nothing to relive ll_

He never does see Peyton though. No one does. Haley looks like she's ready to cry and Nathan keeps calling her cell phone to see where she might be at. And Lucas worries when Brooke stays quiet and doesn't seem to care about where her best friend might be. Eventually the priest says they can't wait any longer so Karen steps in as Haley's other bridesmaid. The wedding goes off without a hitch but Lucas's bad feeling only gets stronger.

At the reception well everyone is out dancing Lucas sits off in the corner calling her cell phone. She never answers.

"Hey man.." Nathan says as he walks over to his brother, the fear evident as he continues to call her number.

"She isn't picking up.." Lucas says focused on his phone.

"I'm sure everything's fine. Haley told me Brooke told her that they had a fight. Sawyer probably didn't want to cause a scene and stood away." He said trying to come up with an explanation. He doesn't want to think the worse. Nathan hates to think it, but if anyone has bad luck it's Peyton Sawyer. Especially recently.

"Come on lets go to her house…We can check up on her. She probably has her music so loud that she doesn't hear her phone. It used to happen all the time when we were dating." Nathan says without really thinking.

"Probably don't want to mention that fact on your wedding day bro…" Lucas says at his brother's comment.

"You stay here, it's your wedding. I'll go. Call you if anything ok?" Lucas tells him.

"OK man.." Nathan says as he looks up to see if he can find his wife in the crowd of people on the dance floor.

"Hey if I don't make it back in time, have a good time in London, alright? Tell Haley that I love her." He motions to his best friend who is being twirled around by Nathan's already drunk Uncle.

"See ya.." Nathan says as he gives his brother a guy hug.

_ll It's water under the bridge... ll_

Lucas leaves the tent and walks over to his car. As he drives off he looks back to see Brooke standing outside with her hands on her hips and shaking her head as she watches him go. For whatever reason, he just knows that Peyton's not here because something happened between her and Brooke. And then it hits him, he has no idea why he's so calm right now. One of his best friend's is nowhere to be found. And she was acting weird the night before (when they did their scene, there were tears in her eyes) and he knows something's not right.

When he gets to her house, the first thing he notices is her car gone. When he walks up her porch the next thing that sticks out to him is the fact that her front door is locked. It's never locked. He goes around back to get the spare key she keeps hidden under some empty flower pot and when he gets up stairs that when he really starts to worry.

Her room is missing some stuff. Her favorite records that are always next to her player are gone. Her sketchpad from her computer desk is not there. Her closet looks less full of clothes…She's just gone. And whatever she went, it doesn't seem like she's coming back.

He doesn't know what to think. There's no one to call who would know where she might be. And that thought terrifies him. Her Dad seems to be gone again and she's got no other real family. He figures the only person who might know-even if they are mad at each other is Brooke-so he decides to head back to the reception.

But as Lucas was heading back he watches as two cars- some car and Haley and Nathan's limo more specifically-crash and flip into the river. Without thinking he's jumping in after them. Without even remembering about the letter that was in his pocket. The letter that as he's rescuing his brother and best friend lands somewhere on bottom of the river floor.

_ll You said it, I get it_  
_I guess it is what it is. ll_

Peyton drove to Savannah and away from Tree Hill with tears in her eyes the entire way. She was scared and sad for a lot of reasons. She had lost her best friend and the boy she loved. She had lost her place back home and now she was running. Running towards her last chance to fit somewhere. To belong. And if she screwed this up too she would be out of options and that thought alone had her in tears. She had messed everything up, and for what?

For loving the boy she couldn't have and not loving enough the one she knew would give her everything she could ever want.

When she makes it into the city the tears stop. She knows that crying isn't gonna fix anything. And as much as things are messed up, she really does hope that things can work out with her and Jake. She really does love him. Maybe not as much as Lucas, but she still does. This is her fresh start and she wants to make it work. She has too.

By the time she gets there its almost nightfall and when Jake's front door open, he is more then surprised to see the girl that just two days before he was telling goodbye too.

"Peyton, what are you doing here?" He asks completely stunned. He has no idea what to think. They had a great weekend together-a weekend that reminded him just how amazing she was-but then she was gone and he was back to being on his own.

"I had to come back…I don't belong there Jake, not when you're here. My Dad's never home and Haley has Nathan and Brooke has Lucas and.." She trials off.

"Peyton come on it's not that simple.." He knows something must of happen. He knows he should be the reasonable one, but he really doesn't want to be. Because this perfect girl is standing in front of him saying exactly what he wants to hear.

"No Jake listen ok…I have spent a lot of time being miserable. It's like misery is an old friend. And it tricks you sometimes into thinking that it's just always gonna be there and that you can't be happy. But you can, you can walk away from pain. And I think being in love's the best way to do it. I love you Jake, I do, and you know that I love Jenny; so maybe that's enough." She tells him, trying to convince them both of her words.

"I think that only in fairy tales that's enough Peyton." He's hearing her, but he's skeptical.

"You know, someone told me once that there's nothing wrong with fairy tales, because everybody lives happily ever after." She states remembering what Ellie had told her not too long ago.

"Okay, listen to me, you can't just come to Savannah and then get into my head all over again, and tell me you want to stay…." He says as he imagines that she can do that. He wants her here. He wants exactly what she wants.

"Well, why not?" He can't be telling her No. He can't.

"Because I might just tell you that I want you to stay," He says with a grin as he pulls her into him and is kissing her before she can't even think about his words.

And just like that her fate is sealed. This is where she fits. This is home now. This is where she can forget about the other boy who has her heart too.

_ll I was only trying to bury the pain ll_

He's sitting on the plastic chairs in the waiting room at Tree Hill Memorial Hospital and he can't even comprehend how this day is ending. With him waiting to hear if his brother and sister-in-law are gonna make it. If he got to them in time to save them. The car that had crashed into them-their limo that had been hijacked by a drunk Rachel and Cooper-resulted in a head injury for Nathan and a broken leg for Haley.

His Mom is sitting next to him, holding his hand trying to support him but they both know nothing is helping. Because, although he's terrified for his family that is here in the hospital, he is just as worried about his friend that he still can't get a hold of.

Eventually Brooke shows up and sits on the other side of him, and grabs a hold of his other hand.

After what seems like hours the doctors come out and inform him that both Nathan and Haley are okay. A little battered and bruised, but Okay. And while Lucas is relieved for that information, he's still worried about the girl who he saw less then 24 hrs ago. The girl he promised himself he would always protect.

After a lot of convincing Lucas gets his mom to go home and rest.

And then there were two.

"Brooke what happened…between you and Peyton?" He finally asks.

"She's gone Luke." Brooke whispers looking down at there clasped hands.

"What? What are you talking about Brooke?" He doesn't know what to think. He just saw he last night. Where is she?

"I call her Dad before I got here. He says she called him a little while ago. She went to Savannah…to be with Jake."

She knows she was upset earlier, that she said things and yelled things. And yeah she had every right to be pissed, but now she's really gone. She left town, not because she wanted to go, but because she thought she had to go. And Brooke knows that's on her. Because you can't help who you love, right?

Lucas can't believe it. He knows ever since the shooting he had been distant, with everyone, but yeah especially Peyton. It had been so hard to talk, about anything, but apparently he missed the fact that his friend-one of his best friends-decided to leave to be with some guy. And yeah Jake might be a good guy, but still, she left. She left for someone else. And she didn't even say goodbye.

And all that might make him sound like he's jealous or something. But he's not. He's confused and hurt and….

"She didn't even say goodbye…" Is all he whispers before he stands pulling away from Brooke and walls to the nearest exit, he needs some air.

He can't believe it. He doesn't want to.

That feeling he's had since the morning, the one that felt like something was wrong, yeah now he knows what it is. It's heart ache over the girl that left Tree Hill (left him) behind for some new family that's awaiting her in Savannah.

And that's when he remembers the letter. The letter he reaches into his pocket to find that's gone. Just like her. It's probably just as well Lucas thinks. It's not like reading it now (he's assuming it was a letter that said goodbye) will change anything.

But he still really wishes he would have read it. Anything would have been better then not knowing.

Two days later after he's come back from helping getting Nathan and Haley settled at Deb's house while they recovered he collapses on his bed and thinks about how much has changed in a little over a week.

Nathan and Haley got married. Again.

Then they found out they were gonna be parents. They were gonna have a baby.

And so was his Mom. Lucas was gonna be a big brother. Again.

And although all this news should have been-while joyous-Lucas wasn't feeling the love. He couldn't get over the fact that Peyton wasn't here too. Here to calm Nathan's fear about Haley's pregnancy. To remind him how far he had come since last year, and how he would be an Awesome dad. He needed her here to celebrate his Mom's pregnancy and make fun of the fact that his new sibling could easily pass as his own kid given their age difference. He needed her to cheer for the Ravens-even if he wasn't even on the team anymore.

He just needed her here.

He's so lost in his thoughts he doesn't notice that someone has entered through his bedroom door until he hears the door slam. And for half a second he thinks it's the blonde girl that has been consuming his thoughts for the last two days. When he jumps up and his face falls cause it's just Brooke, he feels like such a jerk.

"Hey…" He says as he puts on a smile. A fake smile, but all the same Brooke won't recognize it as one.

But he's not as sly as he thinks. And Brooke's not naïve as he thinks either.

"Lucas we need to talk…" She starts.

It didn't take long for Brooke to realize that it wasn't right to stay with someone just because he was all she had. It wasn't fair to stay with someone, when she knew he loved someone else more. But especially, it wasn't fair for her to be unhappy for someone when they were just as unhappy as she was.

He sits there and listens as Brooke, very unnervingly calm, tells him that she's not happy anymore. That they aren't working, and that she doesn't miss him like she used. And as Lucas sits there-just as civil as Brooke is being-and listens as his girlfriend breaks-up with him, he realizes that this doesn't hurt as much as the last time a girl came to him and told him they couldn't be together. This time his heart didn't feel completely shattered and like he would never be the same again.

It Didn't hurt as bad to lose this girl like it had been just two days ago when he lost that other girl.

_ll I was only trying to bury the pain_  
_But I made you cry, and I can't stop the crying... ll_

Somewhere in between losing one of his best friends, trying to get over the fact that he is not at all effected by losing his girlfriend, and the fact that high school is almost over, he starts to write his life story. All of it, everything he can remember from the very beginning. It starts off as a way to remember it all. Something for himself that he can look back on when he's older and maybe wiser and could understand things better.

But somewhere along the way-as he starts to write about love triangles and heart break and all mistakes and of the things that got left unsaid- does he realize he's writing a love story.

His and Peyton. A tragic love story that is no where near what he thought it would be. Unfinished.

A love story about two people who were always two afraid to see what was right in front of them. And as a result the boy hid from his feelings with said girl's best friend. And the girl, she did what everyone in her life always did. She left. She left him behind and never looked back.

He's almost done writing up to the present when he realizes that he can't write a ending because they never really ended. And that's when he figures it out. Why he was so angry that she left. Why he was so hurt that she never said goodbye. Why he would have done anything to save her. He has finally come to the conclusion that he loves her. That he has always loved her.

And it's entirely his fault that its too late for this moment of clarity to even make a difference.

But it's the only real explanation for his actions over the years. Why he was always so willing to do anything for her. To protect her and look out for her. it's the only thing that explains why he still feels so empty and lost.

He really hopes that one day he will finally get to find out how it ends. Their story. He hopes happily but he can't help but think that maybe he never will find out one way or the other.

He prints out his unfinished novel and one day (nosy) Haley sees it on his desk and reads it. He comes home from the river court to find his very pregnant best friend crying on his bed clutching papers to her chest.

"Oh, Buddy…" Is all she can say through the sobs.

"Hales…" He says as he wraps his arm around her. He really wants to be pissed that she read something so personal, something he never planned to show to anyone. But he doesn't have it in him, because she seems to understand why he hasn't been the same since that blonde girl took off the morning of Haley's wedding.

She gets that when that girl left, she took apart of Lucas with her.

When it's time to decide where Lucas should go for college (UNC had always been his first choice) he gets an unexpected offer to be an assistant coach at a little college where Nathan will be their new starter.

He doesn't even have to think about it. Nothing (no one) is holding him in Tree Hill anymore. And a part of him-a small part that gets bigger everyday-figures if she could leave him behind he could do the same.

Of course he knows its not that simple, because you can't help who you love.

_ll Was only trying to save me,_  
_But I lost you again... ll_

Things are good for a while. Peyton's enrolled in Art school and enjoys every second of it. She helps take care of Jenny when she's with Jake and she has a part time job at a small record store (just like Max's back home) And her life is good. Its simple and normal. She spends her nights with Jake listening to him sing and knowing (she has no doubts when it comes to how he feels) that she's loved. In the first time in a long time she fits somewhere, and things are good.

But they don't stay like that for long. Right after her third month in Savannah, Peyton wakes in the middle of the night to an empty bed.

That's never good.

"Jake?" She calls out to him when she notices him looking out their bedroom window.

"You know you talk in your sleep?" He says as he looks back at her. This amazing girl that he loves so much but who just might not feel the same way.

"Yeah I know sorry about that.." Peyton apologizes distinctively remembering the times Brooke would wake her up by throwing pillows at her complaining about all the weird things she had said over the course of the night.

"I've been seating awake wrestling with the feeling that you need to go back to Tree Hill. He don't belong here Peyton, I don't think you ever did.." He can't believe this. All these months, all this time and she hasn't been honest about things.

"What? Why, what happened?" She doesn't understand any of this. They've been fine. What changed from when they fell asleep earlier to now.

"You talk in your sleep Peyton.."

"Well ok. What did I say..I mean did I say I was gonna kill you or something?" She tries to joke, but nothing seems funny at this moment.

"You said I love you... You said I love you Lucas."

"Oh.." Is all she can respond.

Fuck.

No it's never a good thing when you wake up in the middle tonight to an empty bed.

_ll Now there's only lying,_  
_Wish I could say it's only me... ll_

Lucas is in town during his Christmas break and who does he run into but Larry Sawyer. Apparently the guy who was never around during most of his daughter's childhood as decided he's been away for too long and is now home. Permanently. Six months to late to be there at the same time as his daughter, but still he's home.

He had went to the café for dinner prepared to sit at his normal table and try to start reading the books on next quarter's reading lists, when he saw Mr. Sawyer picking up a order. They eventually spotted the other and somehow wound up sitting together the remainder of the night. Other then their very first awkward encounter when Lucas had tried to rake him to death, the two actually had a lot in common.

They sat and talked about all sorts of things. The book that Lucas was reading (apparently it was a classic and had always been one of Larry's favorites). They discussed Nathan's shooting average and how much the younger Scott had improved since Lucas started as his coach. They talked and they laughed until they both have finished dinner and they couldn't have another cup of coffee. And in all that time neither brought up the empty seat that sat in between them. The chair that both knew should have been filled by a certain blonde girl that they both loved. A blond girl that they bother believed wasn't there because of their own actions.

Because a father believed he could never just put aside his own past, his own pain to just be there for his daughter when she needed him to be.

Because a boy couldn't just admit what he knew had always been true. That he would now, and forever be in love with Peyton Sawyer.

When they both left that night, there was still so much left unsaid. But all Lucas had to do was look in too Larry Sawyer's eyes and know that maybe it was better for them both if they didn't say anymore then that.

He doesn't want to come out and ask exactly was he's thinking. (Why is Peyton in Savannah and not back home? Why did she leave and not say goodbye? Why didn't she keep in touch with anyone? What is she running from?)

But he should have asked. Then he would have known that Peyton's not in Savannah anymore. And she hasn't been in months.

_ll Too long we've been denying,_  
_Now we're both tired of trying ll_

She didn't go back to Tree Hill. Jake told her that she should. That she should go back and figure out if that's where she belongs. But it didn't feel like home anymore and just didn't feel right. She hadn't talked to anyone in so long. And she just couldn't bring herself to go back to a town where she was sure she would run into Lucas. Or Brooke. Or anyone she knew. So she just couldn't do it.

Somehow or another she ended up in L.A. actually.

She was able to transfer from Art school to a small college just outside of the city. She got a job working at a record label where she get's people coffee and she answers phone. And she gets lost in the people and the noise and chaos of L.A. for a while.

She left Tree Hill (Lucas) for Savannah. And now she left Savannah (Jake) for L.A. And now she's in L.A. for no other reason then because it's the farthest she could get from both places (boys).

Eventually she figures out a new normal. She gets used to her life. She'll go out with some students from class, usually for coffee at a diner just off campus. She goes with her co-workers to concerts anytime their bosses have extra tickets they don't want. She meets people. New friends and new boys (nothing is ever serious but still). And for a while she thinks this is what her life should be. New experiences and new memories.

But as much as she embraces all the changes, when she stops and thinks-and remembers-it always comes back to the boy who she loved. The one with blue eyes and blonde hair. The one who saved her from all the bad things.

Sometimes she wishes he could just swoop in and save her now. Save her from the live she's been pretending in.

_ll We hit a wall and we can't get over it nothing to relive.. ll_

Lucas is eating lunch in a little café in Savannah. The Cobras (he had been a Raven so long, it was still weird to be apart of any other team, let alone one named after a slimy reptile) were playing against the Savannah Panthers and he had some free time before practice. The entire time he sat and watched the door-hoping that by some chance he would bump into her.

She never walked in though, and is food got cold (he wasn't even hungry but he figured it was worth a shot) and so he paid his bill and got up to leave. That's when he spotted Jake pushing a sleeping Jenny outside of the café.

So maybe he's not he wants to see, but it's close enough-at the very least he can find out how she's doing. If she's okay. If she thinks about him as much as he thinks about her.

"Jake!" He shouts out as he tries to catch up to him down the block.

"Lucas? Hey man…" Jake says shocked. He hasn't seen the guy he once considered a friend since junior year of high school. But they aren't really friends anymore. And Jake isn't at all bothered by that, considering everything. Considering she choose him and not Jake. At least that's what he thinks happened. He never talked to her after she left. Not a call, or a text, or a email. It's not like he doesn't think about her, because he does.

"Hey…" Lucas says as he shakes his hand. He tries to pretend that he's not at all bothered by the imagine that comes to mind. Of Jake and Peyton and Jenny walking down the same street. Together and smiling and happy.

"Wow she's so big. " Lucas mentions as he looks at Jenny. The baby he can only briefly remember is now a toddler with pig tails and pink bows in her hair.

"Yeah they'll do that." Jake answers with a smile. As much as he might not like that Lucas is the reason why Peyton isn't there with him, the father in him can't not smile as the mention of his daughter.

"So how is-what are you doing here?" Jake asks. The quicker he can walk away from this meeting the better. He's not angry or anything, at least not anymore.

Like he told her, you can't change who you love-he just wishes she loved him. Wishes she choose him.

"Coaching a game. We're playing against the Panthers." Lucas really hates small talk. He just wants to know how she is-he has to know she's happy-then he can walk away. Right?

"That's great man. Well I got to get going-if dinner's not ready by the time she wakes up I'm gonna have one grumpy Jenny on my hands.." He laughs.

"Right…" Lucas says.

"It was great seeing you. Good luck at the game."

Lucas seems happy, so Jake assumes Peyton is too. Which is great and all, but now he just has to get out of here.

"Jake…How is she?" He can't stop himself from asking. He knows he's got no right too and is making it why too awkward for both of them-but he has to know.

"What?" Jake whispers out. Why is he asking? Why is…What?

"Peyton. How is she?" Lucas clarifies even though he didn't know he had too.

"I don't know….isn't she-Luke where is Peyton?" Jake asks confused. The last time he saw her they both were in tears and now this man-this guy who she all but admitted she loved-is asking about her. Where the hell is she?

"That's why I'm asking you….Isn't she here?" Luke asks worried. The last time he ran into her Dad he never mentioned she had moved (technically she was never brought up, but still).

"Luke I haven't seen Peyton in six months. We fought, she left. But I thought.." Jake trails off playing in his head that last night. If she hadn't gone after Lucas where did she go? Where was she now?

"You thought what? Jake, you thought what?" He rushes out. What the hell is going on? It's one thing to know that she was here in Savannah, with someone else. But to not know where she was at, that was something Lucas couldn't deal with.

"We fought about you Luke. I thought she went home...to you." Jake admits.

"She didn't…." Is all Lucas can say before he tries to wrap his mind around all this.

This girl-the one he has never been able to forget apparently has felt the same way-felt something about him. (He guesses considering Jake's explanation).

But she never came back. He wasn't enough reason to come back.

_ll It's water under the bridge,_  
_You said it, I get it_  
_I guess it is what it is... ll_

She's twenty-two and a college graduate. She's an established woman living on her own in L.A. She's also a professional artist and she loves it. After college and after saving every dime she could from her crappy label job-Peyton Sawyer opened a small gallery off of Wilshire Blvd. It's nothing to crazy but it's hers. She sells her paintings and is considered a up incoming artist to look out for. So she keeps painting more. She paints more and more. She has a small group of friends that she goes out to dinner with. Friends who meet up every so often for coffee and an afternoon of shopping and every so often she goes out with a guy and she enjoys herself. She lives a quiet little life in the great big city. And things are going good.

Of course every so often it catches up with her though.

She'll be on her way to work and a song with come on the radio that brings her back to being sixteen and running red lights and arguing with Nathan about going to a party after a game. Or she'll be at the beach and for a split second she'll think she see's Lucas in the crowd. Blonde hair and blue eyes and trademark smirk. But then she'll look again and he's gone. Sometimes when she's trying to go to sleep she can close her eyes and remember red bedrooms and sketching at the river court. She can picture him walking down the hall as they both gave each other glances no one else noticed.

And then she's right back to square one. Owning up to the fact that her life now is nothing that she really wants. That its forced and incomplete. She backs to never being able to let go of Lucas Scott.

It's a realization that she's had countless of times. Usually when she thinks things are going good. All of a sudden her mind reminds her that it's not though. That whatever success she has in LA. doesn't compare to any sense of happiness she might have if she were to face her fear and just go home.

And it's that inter conflict-the constant struggle that no one knows about that has her painting more and more. In turn leading to more success. And then the process starts all over again.

And then her life changes. She gets a call one evening from her Dad. Things have never been the same since Peyton left Tree Hill behind, but somehow the two still talk, he is her Dad after all. As much as she wants to be bitter and resentful for how she grew up, she can't be angry with him. Because he's her Dad and she loves him so much. And in all these years that she's been away he's been the one to keep her informed with all that goes on in that small town. The raven's state win. Haley and Karen's pregnancies. Whitey's retirement. Things he's found out in passing when talking to Karen whenever he stops in at the café. She always took the information and stored it away, acting like it didn't bother her to hear it. But eventually he stopped telling her and she was more then okay then that.

But by the end of this particular phone call, the one that her Dad explains that he's sick and he doesn't have much time left, Peyton Sawyer realizes that she can't let the past get in her way anymore. She has to go home.

It might be too late to fix things with everyone back home. But what would be worse was knowing that she never went home to be with her Dad because of things that don't seem so important anymore.

Of course she's lying to herself, she just knows she's going home and she can't run from it anymore.

_ll Here it comes ready or not ll_

Lucas is twenty-two and a college graduate. He's back in Tree Hill and lives in his mother's house. Well now its his house. He got a degree in literature and teaches English at his old high school. He's the coach too. He lives a simple life, and he manages it well. He looks after his mother's businesses (she's been traveling the world with Lily and Andy for the last year)when he's not working and he wakes up every weekend to play a pick up game with Skills at the river court. He spends time with his nephew as much as he can, usually the first choice when it comes to babysitting him too. But he doesn't mind. He can get through doing the normal stuff.

Of course every so often it catches up with him though.

He runs into her Dad a lot. They always find time to stop and chat. He never asked, but eventually Mr. Sawyer explained that Peyton ended up in L.A. He explained that she was doing okay and was getting quite the following as the city's newest "it" artist. When he heard about where she was he almost wanted to laugh. The last he heard, Brooke was also in L.A. trying to make it in the fashion business. He wonders if the two old friends ever ran into each other. He never really found out what happened with them, but he can take a guess (it's pretty obvious now).

He wonders about a lot of things. If she's happy there. If she misses home (him). If she ever wonders just like he does if they made the right choices.

Because he has spent years wondering what would have happened if he just would've went after her. If he would have realized back then that it was her. That she was the one he wanted with him when all his dreams came true. That she was (is still) his dream.

He tries not to think about it like that though. It's too hard. Instead he blames her. He blames her for his own misery. Because as much as he should be loving his life, she's missing from it. So he hides his anger by pretending everything is fine. That he doesn't look at his brother's family and wish he had the same. That it doesn't bother him that every time he plays at the river court he can still picture a flaming heart on the blacktop. The he hates that he can't escape her-even after all these years. Even though she hasn't set foot in their town in so long.

He knows none of this makes any sense. But the way he figures, it's easier to pretend he doesn't care anymore, that he hates her, then admit that he misses her so much and that he's never stopped loving her.

_ll We both found out it's not how we thought... ll_

Her first night home she runs into a Scott, luckily not the one she's been trying to avoid for the last five years, but still it's surprising all the same. She ran out to grab dinner for her and her Dad and when she's walking down the street towards the Italian place they love she spots Nathan Scott across the street from her. She wants to hide, to turn around and start walking in the other direction but she doesn't get the chance before he notices her and is waving and crossing the street to talk to her.

"Sawyer!" Nathan says stunned to see one of his oldest friends back in there hometown, he can't help but pull her into a hug, cause it's been so long and no matter what's happened she's always fit in with him.

"Hey super star!" She says smiling in a way she has done in ages.

"So what did it take to get Peyton Sawyer to come home?" He asks as they break apart.

And that's when he sees the tears form and he thinks he's an idiot for even mentioning anything.

"It's my Dad…he's not well." Is all she can get out. She's been trying to be strong through all this, but it's hard. Her Dad is dying, and it's not like she hasn't dealt with this before, but it definitely doesn't make things easier.

"Hey its, okay.." He gathers her in another hug and they stay like that. In the middle of their hometown, on a not so busy street.

"Yeah I know I know. Oh god, I am such a girl." She chokes out trying to make a joke.

"Yeah I'm sort of glad that you are. I mean we used to date remember?" He jokes and she smiles.

And that's what she's missed about Tree Hill. The people, her friends. This boy-now man-that is standing with her now. The one who drove her crazy half of high school but who ended up becoming someone she always knew he could be.

"Hey you know I'm sure your busy with-everything. But Haley would love to see you. And you can meet Jamie and-" Nathan mentions, already knowing that she's gonna turn him down. If there's one thing he remembers about this girl is that when things happen too soon she'll run in the opposite direction. He can't really blame her considering, this just means he's gonna have to keep bugging her until she caves. Which he has no problem doing, he made a past time out of bothering her back in high school.

"You know your right, I've got a lot going on and-" She tries to explain.

"It's fine. Some other time." He says with a smile.

"See you around Sawyer." He gives her a wave and then he's gone.

After that encounter with one of the Scott's brothers (thankfully the one she's not still in love with), she realizes that as hard as it might be, for as long as she's staying she's gonna do whatever she can to stay away from anyone from back then. Because even though it's been years, she's still so guilty for her actions.

For not saying bye to the people she cared so much for. For not really keeping in touch with them. For leaving in the first place.

She still feels incredibly guilty for falling in love with her (ex) best friend's boyfriend in high school never really getting past it.

_ll That it would be, how it would be ll_

She hides from the outside world for as long as she can. She stays in her old bedroom-the one that's red and still screams angry sixteen year old-and she listens to her music and she sketches and she hides. For the most part it's just like being sixteen again. Only this time there's another Scott boy messing with her head.

Her Dad starts to worry though. After her initial return the two sat down and talked, really talked. About everything that had been unsaid between the two for so long. He apologized for so much and she listened without judgment. When they finally got to talking about why Peyton left the way she did, she finally told her Dad the truth. (She figured if her Dad could be honest with her, she should be truthful too) And that's why he's worried now, because he knows how much his little girl loves that boy (he still refers to him as Rake boy, and that always makes Peyton smile). And he knows she's hiding. Hiding in all sense of the word. He also knows he's running out of time to do anything about it.

Finally one day he just can't take it anymore. He can't see her so unhappy, when he knows she doesn't have to be. When he knows that boy loves her just as much as she loves him. Plus he just can't hear another sappy song from some whining singer filling his house.

"Hey there, can I come in?" Larry asks as he taps on her door. He know its been hard on her the past few weeks, with everything. He can't imagine how she must be feeling. So now he wants to try to fix her before its too late.

"Its your house right?" She counters, still as sarcastic as ever sitting cross legged on her bed, sketchpad in hand and music playing low in the background.

Larry looks around her room, at the walls covered in art and the countless shelves of albums. He looks at everything that has made his daughter who she is, and however unsure he is about what he wants to say, he knows that it's the right decision.

"Do you remember the night I told you to follow your heart?" He asks as he sits down beside her.

"Dad, I think we've established that I do." She says as she puts the sketchpad down and looks up at her father. She can only guess why he's bringing that up, and she doesn't like it one bit. They shouldn't be talking about this right now, there's so much more important things going on right now, then this.

"Right, well-do you know during the time you were gone, after I came home for good…I ran into Lucas one night while he was here on break."

"Oh.." She responds, as she shuts her eyes. No, she does not like this one bit.

"Yeah, we sat and had dinner…And do you know what I realized by the end of that dinner?" He asks her as he reaches out and lifts her chin so she's looking at him.

"What's that?" She whispers.

"That-that boy, he loves you Peyton. And every time I've seen him since, I know it's still there." He says as he wraps her in a hug.

He knows that any other father would definitely question him for all but telling his daughter to go after some boy. But just like all those years ago, when Larry had first told Peyton to follow her heart, Larry does it because he knows-he remembers-what its like to be so in love, to be so happy. And that's what he wants for Peyton, and more then that, he knows that the only way she will have all those things is with that boy.

By the time her Dad finishes his admission, she's all but in tears. She really want to say something in response, denial or a refusal of what her father just admitted. But she can't. Because even though it's been years since her and Lucas have even had a real conversation-been years still they've even seen each other, she can't help but hope that her Dad's right.

The two stay like that, until finally Larry breaks apart and looks at his daughter. And he smiles.

"Your gonna be Okay, kid. Your gonna be ok." He reassures her as he stands and walks away.

Peyton can only hope that he's right about that too.

_ll If the time could turn us around_  
_What once was lost may be found.. ll_

She stops hiding. She goes out more. Even if it's just for coffee on the pier or taking a walk down Main Street. She takes her Dad to his appointments and she goes grocery shopping and does whatever else she can for him. Eventually -after going out so much and never running into Lucas-she finally takes Nathan up on his offer and goes to dinner at the small Scott family's home. She was terrified at first, considering how long it had been, knowing that Haley was still Lucas' best friend. She was afraid that she would be judged and treated much like she had treated Haley when she first got back from the tour senior year.

When she gets to modest home and knocks, her arm literally shakes as she hit's the door. And much to her relief, a small boy with blonde hair and blue eyes (it surprises her at first how much the boy looks like his Uncle) answers the door.

"Hi!" He chirps with a bright smile.

"Hi…Are you supposed to answer the door?" She quizzes him, knowing somehow that any child of Haley's would have been taught such lessons already. Then again, any child of Nathan's would probably be a little mischievous for his own good.

"He's not supposed to, right Jamie?" Nathan says behind the boy as he pulls the door more open to let Peyton enter.

"Sorry Daddy….Who are you?" He's apologetic for a second, flashing a sad face (something he definitely learned from Nathan) before he turns and asks his question to Peyton, a bright smile on his face. And Peyton can already tell she likes this kid. He's charming (in only a way a Scott can be) and sweet and adorable.

"Buddy this is your Aunt Peyton." Nathan answers before Peyton can say anything. She glances in Nathan's direction with a smile equal to Jamie's at her title. _Aunt Peyton_. It sounds like it should. If only…

"Cool. I'm James Lucas Scott." He introduces himself as he sticks out a hand for her to shake. Peyton is more then willing to take his small hand into hers.

"It's very nice to meet you James Lucas Scott." She says as Nathan groans over Haley teaching Jamie to say his full name anytime he meets someone new.

"Come on, Haley's in the kitchen." He motions her to follow as Jamie keeps his hand in hers as they walk.

When they walk into the aroma filled room, Peyton spots Haley at the sink washing potatoes, and then at the corner of her eye she see's someone sitting with their back to her at the table chopping carrots. She doesn't have to see his face to know who it is. Now she remembers the other reason why she had been so scared to come for dinner. The likelihood that Lucas would be there was pretty definite.

And as much as she wants to run and never look back, the small boy who's still holding her hand, pulls tighter and looks up at her and smiles. Then Haley turns and notices her…

"Peyton!" She yells as she rushes over to her. In the process Lucas turns around to see for himself. To see the girl that he was never able to let go. To the girl he wishes he could hate for not being able to just let her go. The girl-now woman-who still looks absolutely breathtaking (more beautiful actually, and he didn't think that was possible) who's standing in his brother and best friend's kitchen with Haley hugging her and Jamie right by her side.

He keeps staring and finally her eyes meet his. And what he realizes as he watches her, as Haley pulls away and starts rambling on about all sorts of things, is that her eyes look a lot like his. Empty. Sad. Regretful.

And for a split second he's glad. He's glad that she feels as miserable as he does. That she is just as unhappy as him because she choose to leave. Ever since he ran into Jake a few years back he's never been able to forget or forgive the fact that she left. That for whatever reason she had to get as far away from him as she can.

He wants to hate her because he loves her so much.

But then that short second is over, and he's back to loving her and wishing that she had just stood for him. He back to being the confused teenaged boy who gave his heart to a girl and never got it back.

_ll For you and Me, for you and Me__. ll_

During dinner its mostly the small Scott family constantly bring up conversation. Haley-so happy that Peyton is back (something Peyton is beyond relieved about)-tells a million stories trying to fill Peyton in all that she has missed. There no accusations or resentment. Just one friend happy that another is finally home. Jamie-just like his mother-tells Peyton stories about his rabbit Chester and all the places he likes to go and his favorite toys.

Nathan kind of just sits back and every so often tries to bring Lucas or Peyton into the conversation. He knows that he's gonna get an angry phone call tomorrow from Peyton calling him every 4 letter word there is. But what could he have done? As soon as he told Haley about Peyton coming to dinner, she insisted that she invite Lucas to come. Without mentioning to either of the blondes that the other was coming. Sometime between salads and pasta, Lucas gives Nathan the deadliest glare he's ever seen. Yeah he's so gonna pay for this tomorrow.

The two blondes don't talk much, to anyway else sitting at the table, and especially to each other. The are just so consumed by each other. They don't speak once throughout the whole dinner, and the only time they acknowledged each other was when they both uncomfortably said hi back in the kitchen. But the entire time they have a silent conversation. Quiet looks and glances, an entire discussion that no one seems to know about. (Haley notices, but doesn't want to make things worse for either of them).

Eventually Peyton just can't take it anymore. Although he hasn't spoken to her, she can see the hurt and sadness in his eyes, and she's done for. She can't take the silence anymore. The accusations he doesn't have to speak for her to know he's thinking. For the questioning in his eyes that she knows is in her eyes. As soon as dinner is done, she fakes a phone call and then is rushing goodbyes to everyone (but Lucas) and saying she had a great time and she'll call Haley for lunch soon.

The three adults that are left sit silently at the table as Jamie sits with his bowl of ice cream all but unaware of what just happened. Of why his Aunt just made up a lie to get as far away from his Uncle as she could. Of the classic Peyton Sawyer action to run when things get to be too much.

Lucas isn't all too surprised that she did leave though. It's what she does he thinks.

But he just wishes that one day he'll be leaving with her too.

She's driving back home, her ipod blaring and the top down as the summer breeze begins to clam her. What was she thinking? She couldn't do this. Pretend that somehow she and Lucas were still the same. That they felt the same and could let go of the past mistakes and finally, finally get a real chance. Why was she following her heart in a direction that her brain knew would only lead her to heartbreak?

_ll Too long we've been denying_  
_Now we're both tired of trying._  
_We hit a wall and we can't get over it... ll_

Two days goes by and after ignoring 10 calls from Nathan, and finally hearing a very heartfelt voicemail he left explaining that all he and Haley want is for her to be happy does she know she's being ridiculous and difficult. And a little pathetic too. She still doesn't know why she (and he) can't just let it go…It's been years and years and they're still hung up on something that was doomed from the start. Really, when you go behind your best friend's back with her boyfriend the possibility of happily ever after can't happen. Yet here they are both fixated on some epic love that was just so tragic and now what's left?

She knows it's time to either face him and deal with it or just finally let it go.

It takes her ten long minutes of thinking to conclude that both options are too damn hard at the moment. So instead she gets dressed and heads to Tric. She needs to get lost in a crowd for a while. To listen to music and just think about something other then him. Plus, a drink really wouldn't hurt the situation.

After she bailed on dinner the other night his mind sort of when into overdrive. He knew she was back-Nathan had mentioned it and Lucas had acted like he didn't care when really both guys knew that he did. But seeing her again, being faced with the fact that neither of them ended up how he thought they would be is something he can't get out of his head. He starts to replay every chance they didn't take, every mistake he made that lead him to choice to fight for another girl and not her.

Every possibility they could have had together that never happened because he was blind and she was so scared.

After about the second night of sitting at home, staring at nothing and thinking about how much he ruined his life he can't take the quiet anymore and decided he needed a drink.

Apparently the universe isn't done with them though, because after his third drink at Tric he sees her walk in. He's not normally a drinker, but he orders something stronger he's got the feeling that he's gonna need it.

She's walking toward the bar when she sees him and it takes everything in her not to run. But this is it, she can't run anymore. She's tired of it. It's sink or swim time.

"Hey" she says as she walks up next to him.

"Hi.." He tries to stay focus and not look at her, but curiosity gets the best of him and when he glances at her, she looks more beautiful then she did the other day. Flowing green top and short black skirt, and it's like he's sixteen again and he's checking her out while trying to be pretend like he's not looking.

"Come here often?" She questions and looks over at him. This is ridiculous. They know so much about each other they shouldn't make small talk in some bar on a Saturday night.

"Listen can we not.." He says as he takes another sip of his Scotch. He doesn't want to pretend. He's tried of it.

"Excuse Me?" She asks surprised by his tone with her. She knows this isn't gonna be easy, but she didn't expect the anger that she hears in his voice.

"Look we're not friends ok. You left...you left and you just can't come back and pretend that it doesn't matter-" He says unable to finish his thought because he has no idea where this hostility his coming from. Why he's yelling when he wants to be kissing her. Why he's glaring at her when he wants to be taking her hand and getting out of here.

Right because as much as he loves her, He's still heartbroken that she left and never once looked back.

"I wish you never came back.." He says as he stands.

Leaving a devastated Peyton behind.

He thinks that it's only fair. She left him back then and now he's the one who gets to walk away. Only he doesn't want to be walking away, it's just too late to explain and apologize for all sorts of things.

_ll Nothing left to relive_  
_It's water under the bridge ll_

She doesn't take his admission at the bar very well. She goes back to hiding and acting like she's not at effected by anything Lucas Scott said. But of course she is. The guy she's been hung up on for years just told her he wished she would have never come back. That's something she just can't pretend didn't hurt. So she goes back to hiding from everything. And really Lucas Scott should be the least of her concerns at the moment. But apparently as much as she wants to hide, the world didn't get the message.

One day when her Dad's out visiting with a old friend a knock on the door has Peyton not at all surprised to find one Haley James Scott standing on her porch holding a stack on papers with her. She knew on of those other Scott's would show up eventually.

"Hey.." Haley says as she walks into the old brick home.

"I thought for sure one of you would have been over sooner.." Peyton states knowingly.

"Yeah well I talked to Lucas yesterday. He told me what happened at Tric the other night and-" Haley starts off as delicately as possible.

It's might have been years, but she still knows how Peyton works. When too much is going on Peyton tends to shut down and block out everyone close to her. But after Lucas-nearly in tears-told him how much he messed up and then Haley finally told Lucas why Peyton was home (Nathan told her the first night he saw her) she knew she had to come and be there for Peyton.

"Listen Haley I don't know what he told you and I don't want you to think that you have to come over here and talk me down from some ledge or something.." Peyton says, figuring that from the look Haley's giving her that Nathan told her about her Dad. Something that never got discussed during dinner at their house the week before.

"Peyton do you know what this is?" Haley asks as she hands Peyton Lucas' novel. The one he never finished and keeps in a box in his closet. The novel Haley took from that box without Lucas knowing yesterday when she talked to him.

"This is a novel Lucas wrote back in high school." She explains as Peyton looks amazed at the stack of papers now in her hands. Lucas Scott wrote a novel. A novel.

"He wrote this?" Peyton questions as she marvels at it.

"Yup. He could never finish it though. Actually I think I'm the only one who's ever read it.." Haley laughs remembering how absolutely devastated she was when she read the words her best friend used to describe the girl in front of her today.

"You should read it." Haley says as she gives Peyton one lasting knowing glance and leaves her to read the words that she's sure will change how she feels about Lucas.

_ll You said it, I get it_  
_I guess it is what it is... ll_

He's at the river court shooting around and missing every shot.

He feels like such a dick.

He said things he didn't mean. Well he said them in a way that he shouldn't have. He said them without explaining that he's hurt now-like he was hurt then-because he is so incredibly in love with her.

Then Haley came over and he explain to her what happened and she looked at him like he had grown a third head. But what's worse was finding out why she was hone. Why she had to come back. Her Dad is sick. He's dying and she has to come home to say goodbye.

Yeah he's a dick.

He's ready to call it a day, it's not like he's paying well anyways. But then he turns around to hear her car-its got a distinct sound and he's surprised she still even has it-and watches her as she walks over to him carrying-what the hell? Is that his novel? How did she? No one but him knew that even existed except…

…Haley. Of course.

"Did you mean it?" She asks him as she keeps his manuscript close to heart.

The novel that he wrote told that the story of his life. It's seems she's played a big part of it. He said she was great. That she was meant for greatness. He described her using words like integrity and loyal. Words like passionate and amazing. It took her to the fifth chapter to read the words she hoped had been always true.

That Lucas Scott was now and would always be in love with Peyton Sawyer.

He can only nod, lowering his head in the process. He's so embarrass right now. He's almost 23 years old and he's embarrass because this girl-this woman-who he's never been able to let go now knows how he's feels. But to hell with it, if he's getting bombarded with the past, he has questions he wants answered too.

"Why did you leave?" He asks looking up at her once more. And the tears in her eyes has him questioning everything. If she still feels so much, maybe it was worth it all.

She didn't really think when she left her house after she finished reading. She just read this amazing, inspiring , absolutely heartbreaking story and she just knew she had to see him. She had to know. If he really meant it, if he thought these things. And somehow she knew he would be here, but that's as far as she thought things out. But to hell with it, everything is out there now so why not just say it.

"Because I love you.." She blurts out.

All he can really focus on is that she said she loves him-present tense, not past tense. She loves him. Like right now.

"Then why did you leave?" it's the one question he's wanted to ask her since the very moment he found out she was gone. It's the one question that he has always wondered about even after all these years.

"Because I love you.." She whispers as it should be so obvious.

"The why did you leave?" He asks again. This is not making sense. She loved him and he loved her. He might not have known it back then, he might not have realized until after she was gone. But it was always gonna be there. Him and Her. So why did she leave it behind?

"Are you forgetting our history? We had gone through love triangle hell just the year before. There was no way I was gonna put any of us through that again. Especially if…" She trials off. Just thinking about what happened back then-how she felt, how confused she was, she can't even finish her explanation.

"Especially if what?" He asks still trying to make sense of all this. All this time they wasted, all this time when they could have been together. Messed up because they were both too scared to admit what they both knew was true. Ok, it had never been that clear and clean. Because there had always been something in their way. But still Lucas is pretty sure they would have figured it out a lot quicker that way then spending all these years apart.

"Especially if…you didn't feel the same way. God after everything, we became friends. Best Friends. And I stood and watched you fight for Brooke and I just thought-I couldn't stay and watch….I had to leave. I had to." She says with conviction as tears begin to fall.

As much heartbreak she has felt since that decision to leave was made, she can't really say-even after all these years-that it was the wrong choice. Because then- now-it seems like the only option she had. She couldn't stay and act like nothing had changed, and Brooke wasn't even talking to her. And she just couldn't stand there and pretend. Now of course things didn't work out like she planned. She went to Savannah and failed. Then to L.A. and failed.

But after reading this novel she realizes that she was wrong. She had another option, she always did. She could have told him the truth. All these years lost over one bad choice.

He can see her side now. If the roles had been reversed, he can't honestly say he wouldn't have done the same thing. To have to sit and watch her with someone else-and pretend like he felt nothing for her but friendship, he wouldn't have been able to do that. Just knowing she had gone to Savannah had been hard. He can see her side, he understands, but what he doesn't get is why their still acting like something is stopping them now.

"Do you remember the night I found you on the beach crying…The night of the dealership fire?" He asks as he instinctively grabs a hold of her hand and watches her eyes as she tries to focus on the memory from so long ago.

"Yeah, you said it took us being desperate to actually hang out again.." She says in no way angry at that. It was actually funny at the time. Jake and Brooke were gone and all they had left was each other.

"Right.." Lucas says with a chuckle, wipes the tears that had stains her cheeks away. It would have been anyone else she probably would have brush his hand away. But with Lucas, she could be vulnerable and scared and smile and laugh all at the same time.

"After that though, do you remember what I said?" He asks.

She shakes her head, but of course she remembers. And he knows she remembers, because he does too.

"I said…it was always gonna be there. You. And Me." He tells her smiling at the memory.

"I'm sorry, for the other night." He apologizes. "I had to much to drink and I just…It's been so hard, you know. Cause it's always been there. You and Me.." He elaborates.

And he doesn't have to say anything more then that. She gets it, because she's felt the same way. No matter who she was with, or how far she went, he was always there with her. Reminding her of what was waiting for her once she was ready to come home.

"You don't have to apologize. I get it." She whispers. Because she does. She understands, she's always understood him.

But he doesn't think she does, because he loves this girl, and he hurt her and that's just unacceptable.

"No Peyt, you have no idea how bad I feel and-" He's cut off though with her lips finding his.

And this kiss feels just as amazing as the last one they shared, over five years ago. Of course this one is under slightly better circumstances considering the last one was when they were trapped in a library and didn't know if they were gonna make it out.

"I love you..." She whispers as her forehead rests on his.

"I love _you_." He says it back. He can't believe that just two weeks ago he thought he would never be living in a moment like this. With this girl and those words.

So it doesn't matter how long its been since their last kiss. It doesn't matter that they wasted time and they still have so much to talk about. About letters that never got to be read and run ins with an ex-boyfriend in Savannah. About what their future might hold for them. It doesn't matter that they haven't even ever really been together before…

None of it matters.

Because their here now. Someday has _finally_ got here and it's still there. Him and Her.

_ll I was only looking for a shortcut home,_  
_But it's complicated._  
_So complicated... ll _

_**-FIN**_

_Song: "It is what it is"-By: Lifehouse (Seriously Awesome Song!)_


End file.
